Thankful

Today I am feeling so much gratitude and love towards my Heavenly Father. I don't usually talk religion or anything (because frankly, I believe what I believe and don't care to "debate" with anyone about it.) but today I am so thankful for the Spirit in my life. Sometimes the Spirit comes at the most inconvenient times. Like driving on my way to work. Or sitting at a top light. And that happened to be recently and it just wouldn't go away. After much thought and fight in my head I decided to give in. Not give in the way that the Spirit told me (yes, I'm stubborn) but in my own way. I did it where there could be no response or debate. It was what it was and I would move on once I got it off my chest.

And boy did it feel good! It wasn't easy, but if there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that following the Spirit is almost NEVER easy. That's how Heavenly Father tests us. Sometimes you do have to blindly follow the Spirit even when you have no idea what you are. In this case I had no idea why I was so strongly prompted to say something. But it did make me realize something. That even when things don't go according to plan, that doesn't mean that your day still can't be beautiful and amazing.

I have so many things to be thankful for. The Gospel. My family. My friends. My job. Just my life in general. I may not have everything I want, but I am more then taken care of. I have a roof over my head. I get to come home every day to my beautiful niece and nephew. There is always dinner made (even though I don't usually eat it, my sister does make dinner!). I have a great car. I have family that I know I can count on for anything. I know if there's ever anything I need, I won't be left alone.

I'm so thankful for my job. Most days I don't feel I deserve it and wonder how I got so lucky but I know without a doubt it's because of my faithfulness to follow the Spirit without question. I have quit jobs in the past where people thought I was crazy, but I did what the Spirit told me and I was always taken care of. I never doubted that I would always be taken care of in that department.

I hate that I doubt the fact of marriage. Is it in my cards? Will it happen? Have I met him? Will I meet him? I have no clue. I know without a doubt that is the next stage in my life. What else is there really for me to do? Go back to school? No thanks. I know the next step for me in life is to get married and have a family. (yep, I said family. This girl is growing up, who knew!) But when will it happen?

If it's not in the cards for me, I know I'll be okay. I LOVE being an aunt. I don't know what I ever did before I had nieces and nephews, but I wouldn't trade that for the world. I got to spend a little time with Emma last week for her birthday. I took her to Build-A-Bear and it made me so thankful that I can do that. That I'm able to just spend time with my nieces and nephews.

I know as long as I continue to follow the Spirit I will be taken care of. I can already see blessings from it. Like I said, my job. I'm so thankful for Heavenly Father's trust in me. At times I don't like it. I would much rather him just give me a yes or no answer, not a it's up to you, but if he can trust me, who lacks so much, why can't I trust him, who is perfect?

The brain is a funny thing and it baffles me. We think we know better. We think we can do it on our own. We think. That's the problem, I think. Haha. I know I have a lot of learning to do. So while I'm single, I'm going to do just that. I've always been independent, but now I want to make myself a better person. A person that people can count on, a positive person. I've had to cut people out of my life because of them being so negative and it wasn't until recently that it made me grateful for the positive people in my life.

I got a letter from Dianna the other day and in it she said "I never wonder what my life would be like because I know without a doubt I am where I need to me." I wish I could say the same. I know I'm where I need to be, but I often wonder where I would be if I had made different choices, or if others had made different choices. Would I be married? Have kids? Travel? What? I don't know and I never will. And that's okay. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is. We just have to put our faith in Heavenly Father.

He won't always reveal to us his plan or purpose. I may never know why I got the prompting I did, but I know I will be blessed for following it. And I know it's not the end of the world. I know that there was worse things out there then talking about my feelings. (What? Once again, this girl is growing up! WHO KNEW!) Does that mean I'm just going to share my feelings all the time and become a stinking girl? Nope. My trust issues may never go away, but I'm not scared of feelings. I'm not scared of having feelings. I'm not scared to admit that I'm not scared. Or that I am scared or lonely or hurt or confused or most importantly - happy. I'm not scared to say I'm happy.

I say bring it, world. Give me all you got. I'm ready to face it with a smile on my face.

That being said - Heres a picture of me and my bug! haha I love her face for some reason!